You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Randomize
