eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
