Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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