she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
