The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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