cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
