i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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