He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
