a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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