can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
