my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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