I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
