I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
