Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
