do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
