yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
