It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
