On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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