Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
