oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
