I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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