he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
