Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
