You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
