I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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