Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
