please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
