good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
