oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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