i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
