i used baking grease as lip gloss
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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