Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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