I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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