Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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