I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
