College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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