Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
