a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
