proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
