they need to just BURY HIM!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
