Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
