How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I could fuck to npr.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
