Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
