If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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