He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
