Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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