Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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