im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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