i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
where are my eyebrows?
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