I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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