I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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