We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
