my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
