dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
