Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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