I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
