I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
