Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
