Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
