okay pat passed out under dana's car
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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