if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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