I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
