That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize