I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
