dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
